Today sucked in many ways. I just felt "off"... Sarah was very supportive and asked what was going on, I had no idea. I just knew something wasn't good. We nearly bailed on a dinner with a couple we hadn't hung out with before and had plenty of reasons to do so which all would have made for great excuses... But thankfully, we didn't.
I didn't know if I would enjoy myself tonight, but I knew that what I was doing wasn't helping, and staying in the same rut today wasn't going to change anything. Like the pic I posted before, if you want something to change, might be a good idea to actually change something and see if it has any effect. So... We packed the kids up, it started snowing (yet another excuse) and we made the 30min drive to a new friends place. The dinner was great, the conversation (in spite of all our kids running wild) was great, and now at home again, I feel much better.
Another great thing about today was that I got all of the "junk" done. From the piles on mail, books, bills on the counters to the christmas decorations that weren't quite done, to the email inbox that had accumulated, I just worked it until it was done. No great sense of accomplishment, no real change in my life due to it... But man, I'm so much happier now that its done. I mean, I even had to go change how I pay my mortgage because the bi-weekly payment company I used to use was no longer processing payments! I mean, just pure crap sort of stuff. But all needed in order to have a better future.
Anyway, just reflecting today and glad for some good conversation. It always amazes me when I talk with successful people in other industries how similar the struggle can be. Society or school or whatever influences people to look just far enough ahead to never really stop and evaluate what they are doing until they reach that breaking point. For most that I've seen, it's not a rock bottom breaking point, it's actually the opposite! When someone has reached success in there field as either an employee or a small business owner, they realize that it's a no win game.
Anytime you are trading your time for money, typically the more successful you get, the more money you get for that time, the nicer car, the bigger house, etc. but somehow you are even MORE dependent to your job or to your company. If you can be excited about giving up your time for money, more power to ya, but now I see that as the trap I believe it is. So many people with success and money just can't relax and enjoy life, even a one week vacation because something where they take work with them just to keep the wheels spinning or they are like me, can walk away for a very short time, but feel internal guilt about doing that.
If you are trading time for money, the best you can hope for is either a life full of time with very little money, or a life full of money with very little time. If you're like me, you may find yourself trying to balance the two. I don't do side freelance design work anymore simply because the money I can make, although great from an hourly standpoint, just isn't worth the extra time on top of my day job. I now use my free time in pursuit of endeavors that will break that traditional time for money swap, I have no desire to be rich and busy, but wealthy and with freedom of time is something worth my extra time.